Vulnerability

Do you ever feel vulnerable? Ever notice how some people put on the hard shell or carries a persona that says hey I'm tough and I'm strong, or I don't like you, and all time great, I don't care. Well in that case pride comes before a fall. Others exuberate indifference, or emanate from a vibe that says you are not good enough for me. I'm better than you or the old; what are you looking at?

Many people have been hurt because they chose to be nice, kind, thoughtful and caring. 

One day they allowed someone to come close or to get in who turned out to be total crap. And it came with a hefty price tag. At some point in the past, maybe it was a relationship, a friendship or a relative, and the result was abuse, neglect, misunderstood and abu
sed, cheated on, or attacked. So they retracted their feelings a
nd any display of emotion from that day forward. They were forever changed. NOT!

The person or people who treated you this way was wrong and have a problem they must confront one day and your's will probably be the face they see when they do. They don't know it but that behavior will eventually bring them irreversible pain and shame one day. I assure you it will be a lesson they wish they could have avoided.

But what about you? 

You, have become a victim who has pulled their head and heart back into a shell like a turtle, or put it in a hole in the ground like an ostrich to hide the fear and protect yourself. And as a result you have hidden yourself from life's most rewarding gift, the gift of love, companionship, rewarding relationships. You're missing out on a healthy social life and developmental emotional experiences.

Well take it from me and listen closely; you cannot live your life as a result of what others have done to you, not and enjoy it. Your vulnerability is your strength. I know. I've tried it and it only caused me more suffering What was so bad about it is that I didn't have a name for what had happened to me, the reason I was suffering. Hindsight being 20/20 in a word it was the loss of joy in my life followed by loneliness, a secret loneliness? I thought I would never be able to pick myself up and fly again. I have been plucked clean, not a dime left. I had taken the little things in my life for granted out flying all the time. Things that were sweet and nice, the unique gifts present in my life I couldn't fully appreciate or didn't know how anymore. Mostly the latter. Because I lost sight of them in flight.

I only knew to keep moving straight ahead, to play it safe, keep myself hidden in plain sight. 

I had to avoid embracing anything or anyone sincerely. Too risky. I had been convinced not to trust life but for myself and often not even myself. I was always checking the parameters, going over decisions twice and again even after it was too late to take them back anyway. I was mess! As a result of this kind of over protective behavior acquaintances with others was shallow and unfulfilling. I became a closet loner, popular when among friends, but deeply lonely all other times.

I believed this was the best way to live, that it kept my life protected and safe from monsters in human form. 

Well, it was not healthy, and thinking that way was drawing me further and further away from the person I real was. That person whom everybody could feel and appreciate. Instead I had traded that for a judgmental attitude and an emptiness in my life that seemed inescapable.

I don't want anyone to go through that experience. You are not living life to the fullest if you are not opening up your heart and letting it make some choices and decisions. I know it is risky, but when you stop and think about it, everything in your life is a risk, especially those things which can bring you the most joy. Every time you walk out of the house you're putting yourself at risks, you're just not consciously aware of it.

You cannot shut one part of your heart down without the whole heart shutting down. 

If you close one door in your heart and think you've done yourself a favor and protected the area where pain got in, it will actually shut out joy from the rest of your heart too. You cannot segment one part of your heart without adversely affecting your whole heart.

Joy is living and loving life, God, and the people around you with ALL your heart. 

Go back to being you, regardless of any bad experiences you've had from thoughtless callous people. They come in all kinds of shapes and forms, and their minds do too. Life is indeed like a box of chocolates and indeed you never know what you're going to get, but you mustn't let that stop you from living it. We are talking about chocolate here right? This is how life's most valuable rewards are found and kept. So yes we are all vulnerable and we are all faced with risk.

But knowing that is half the battle won. You're much wiser now. So go ahead and think about letting go of your fears. And start enjoying life again. I think you're going to like all the beautiful people who will become attracted to you and you to them. Start now, today. Breath again and take flight. Take it one step at a time until you feel complete again, and free again. But fly again. Its who you are. (Ref: Brene' Brown, author and researcher)