Vulnerability

Do you ever feel vulnerable? Ever notice how some people put on the hard shell or carries a persona that says hey I'm tough and I'm strong, or I don't like you, and all time great, I don't care. Well in that case pride comes before a fall. Others exuberate indifference, or emanate from a vibe that says you are not good enough for me. I'm better than you or the old; what are you looking at?

Many people have been hurt because they chose to be nice, kind, thoughtful and caring. 

One day they allowed someone to come close or to get in who turned out to be total crap. And it came with a hefty price tag. At some point in the past, maybe it was a relationship, a friendship or a relative, and the result was abuse, neglect, misunderstood and abu
sed, cheated on, or attacked. So they retracted their feelings a
nd any display of emotion from that day forward. They were forever changed. NOT!

The person or people who treated you this way was wrong and have a problem they must confront one day and your's will probably be the face they see when they do. They don't know it but that behavior will eventually bring them irreversible pain and shame one day. I assure you it will be a lesson they wish they could have avoided.

But what about you? 

You, have become a victim who has pulled their head and heart back into a shell like a turtle, or put it in a hole in the ground like an ostrich to hide the fear and protect yourself. And as a result you have hidden yourself from life's most rewarding gift, the gift of love, companionship, rewarding relationships. You're missing out on a healthy social life and developmental emotional experiences.

Well take it from me and listen closely; you cannot live your life as a result of what others have done to you, not and enjoy it. Your vulnerability is your strength. I know. I've tried it and it only caused me more suffering What was so bad about it is that I didn't have a name for what had happened to me, the reason I was suffering. Hindsight being 20/20 in a word it was the loss of joy in my life followed by loneliness, a secret loneliness? I thought I would never be able to pick myself up and fly again. I have been plucked clean, not a dime left. I had taken the little things in my life for granted out flying all the time. Things that were sweet and nice, the unique gifts present in my life I couldn't fully appreciate or didn't know how anymore. Mostly the latter. Because I lost sight of them in flight.

I only knew to keep moving straight ahead, to play it safe, keep myself hidden in plain sight. 

I had to avoid embracing anything or anyone sincerely. Too risky. I had been convinced not to trust life but for myself and often not even myself. I was always checking the parameters, going over decisions twice and again even after it was too late to take them back anyway. I was mess! As a result of this kind of over protective behavior acquaintances with others was shallow and unfulfilling. I became a closet loner, popular when among friends, but deeply lonely all other times.

I believed this was the best way to live, that it kept my life protected and safe from monsters in human form. 

Well, it was not healthy, and thinking that way was drawing me further and further away from the person I real was. That person whom everybody could feel and appreciate. Instead I had traded that for a judgmental attitude and an emptiness in my life that seemed inescapable.

I don't want anyone to go through that experience. You are not living life to the fullest if you are not opening up your heart and letting it make some choices and decisions. I know it is risky, but when you stop and think about it, everything in your life is a risk, especially those things which can bring you the most joy. Every time you walk out of the house you're putting yourself at risks, you're just not consciously aware of it.

You cannot shut one part of your heart down without the whole heart shutting down. 

If you close one door in your heart and think you've done yourself a favor and protected the area where pain got in, it will actually shut out joy from the rest of your heart too. You cannot segment one part of your heart without adversely affecting your whole heart.

Joy is living and loving life, God, and the people around you with ALL your heart. 

Go back to being you, regardless of any bad experiences you've had from thoughtless callous people. They come in all kinds of shapes and forms, and their minds do too. Life is indeed like a box of chocolates and indeed you never know what you're going to get, but you mustn't let that stop you from living it. We are talking about chocolate here right? This is how life's most valuable rewards are found and kept. So yes we are all vulnerable and we are all faced with risk.

But knowing that is half the battle won. You're much wiser now. So go ahead and think about letting go of your fears. And start enjoying life again. I think you're going to like all the beautiful people who will become attracted to you and you to them. Start now, today. Breath again and take flight. Take it one step at a time until you feel complete again, and free again. But fly again. Its who you are. (Ref: Brene' Brown, author and researcher)

How To Win In This Economy

What are people doing to avert the current economical dilemma? There is no doubt anymore that we are in for a long haul and one way to tell is by the slow recovery in jobs. The whole world is experiencing a paradigm shift, one which will among other things move more technology into the way we live. This of course is affecting the way business is conducted and redefining the job market.  Averting the problem may be the wrong approach.

It might be a better idea to re-invent you. 

How do you go about re-inventing yourself? To begin with you must learn to think beyond the way you are accustomed to getting things done. Unless you are highly qualified, have a college degree of relevance and come with recommendations and notable references it will be hard to land a job that pays well.

Prices have been rising on the down low for the past eight years and there have been underlying efforts by the Republican Party to enhance "the rich" and "increase the poor" using the tax system, thereby eliminating the middle class. 

You will either shop at the 'Mall' or the 'Dollar Store'; there would be no middle ground. There are some Democrats who support this ideology and might further the republican agenda if put into office. So what should you do?

You need to decide where you want to shop! 

It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to use this time to prepare for the future and you could begin by returning to school. Re-educating yourself will put you on a path that would increase your options and position you to compete in the new environment which is fast and intelligent. Now is the time to return to school, while there is funding. It's a sure way to win in this economy and get ready for the next. And if you wait it may be too late. This is certainly not a good time to fold your arms and sit things out. There is no guarantee that school will make you rich one day but it will certainly open your mind to the new world and help you to maneuver yourself around in it. It will at the least expose you tonew opportunities for getting ahead in life. My advice: Don't fight with this economy, you're better off to prepare for when it's over.

Relationships: Dating vs Hanging Out

Relationships are so much fun and always promising when you're in it for the right reasons. Being single I sometimes visit dating sites around the Internet. I start to daydream about the fun and exciting possibilities that lay ahead once I find the right girl. All things considered. I know it's best to go slow, to take it one day at a time. However, that is easier said than done.

Sometimes I tell myself if a person is going to be fun or not, I'll sense it when I'm with that person the first time we're out together. Then the daydream comes to a screeching halt, and my reality check says, you have to keep it real. She's not going to be delivered to your doorstep in a big beautiful gift box with a pretty yellow ribbon tide around it.

Yes these things take time and you should use that time to work on you. To tweek areas you need strengthened. It could be having more confidence in yourself, or establishing an exercise routine to get rid of that belly you're getting. Once you're on track you'll need to decide what you want to do.

So what should I do?

I've had to ask myself this question, and the answer is always the same. You have to date until you think you've found the right girl. Date? But that has swings, big drops, curves, frustration, you name it! Why can't I just meet her in a superm
arket, know she's the one and be lucky enough that she chooses me too? That happens but you can't count on it. You have to go out with her about two years before you'll really know enough about her to decide. However, that doesn't sound right either. You mean I have to date her two years to find out if she is the wrong person, and then I have to let her go? That could become a lot of 'two year screenings' not to mention the pain and suffering in the separations. So what should I do?

I think the anxiety and nervousness sets in because of the word 'date'. 

In today's world when I hear that word, a little switch in my mind flips to rejection. Rejection is what I don't want to think about. The word date seems to put conditions on the possibilities that I get so excited about.

So I trained myself to think in terms of 'hanging out', and poof, stress is gone.  

I can work with hanging out. Under those conditions neither of us is expecting anything from the other but their company and the fun in running around with them. It's a win win.

When you're dating someone you are looking for something and making a lot of judgement calls, some of them actually accurate. When dating, sometimes something happens that shouldn't have, and you aren't clear. And when you proceed with a relation like that trouble is usually looming down the road.

Why do they want to know how much money you make if you're only dating?

If all we're doing is hanging out then it doesn't bother me if things don't work out, and that's easier for both of us because we're not together for things to work out on an emotional level. I would hang-out with most of the girls I see on dating sites until they ask: How much money do you make? I think a guy should be banking paper before seeking a wife, but if all he is doing is dating, wouldn't it be 'gold digging' to ask how much money he makes before a date? Really it's true, that question is actually in the profile of many dating sites.

Must we be making $100,000.00 a year just to hang out with a girl from a dating site? The girls there seem to think so. Maybe these sites are looking at it this way: The girl you are hanging out with might turn into the girl you want, and you'll be ready based on how much money you make! No, then there's the question of, what if I've not decided yet, what's money got to do with anything? You see, there is where it gets to be complicated for me. So I've come to a conclusion.

No dating sites! I'll develop my charm affect, let their own intuition alert them of my interest, play the cat a mouse game, and if one I like catches me, or I catch her, then I'm cool. And so far it's working like a charm. There you go fella's. Good luck!